Saturday, 8 March 2014

"I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty."

After being stuck on what exactly to post on my blog next I had to ask myself what I wanted to put out in the world. There are already far too many beauty blogs and food blogs and all of that… So what do I want to put out there? What new do I have to add to this boundless abyss that is the internet? And I came to the lame conclusion that the only answer to the question was… Me. I can't promise to offer the best review ever on some stupid hair product that at the end of the day has the same crap in it that all the other products have. But I can offer a new, fresh, personal view on things. Albeit random things. But things none the less!

I have always loved writing. I remember being little and writing in some tinkerbelle notebook stories about fairies and princes and mushroom houses (I was weird even as a six year old). And even at the age of six I was completely convinced that my fairy stories were one day going to be published. -- I wish I could say that that was my weirdest 'quirks' as a child. But alas, I was completely… eccentric. I had a favorite foot that my shoe always had to go on first, I refused to wear pants because those were only for boys and the list is endless. But that is besides the point.

MY POINT IS: My entire life I have loved writing. But another important point about my fairy stories is that I never ever finished one of them. Ever. I just abandoned them. I was and am a perfectionist and self-critical and all those horrendous artistic traits. I am terrified of finishing something because I feel like it will never be perfect -- it took me years to even be able to finish a painting.

Leonardo da Vinci said "Art is never finished. Only abandoned." and that is truly how I feel sometimes. But then at the same time I feel like theres something beautiful about something raw and slightly incomplete. Rawness is appealing to me. In a world of photoshop and instagram filters and thesauruses, naturalness and even crudeness is sexy to me.

And that is how my brain works really, it goes around and round in circles of contradicting thoughts until I feel like there is no possible definite decision and that it only has to do with what I am feeling at that exact time. Perfection or Rawness. Flip a coin.

Lets put it this way… Most woman want to go out or on a date or to an interview looking like the best version of themselves. They'll do their hair and makeup and bring out those painful shoes that make our legs look slightly better. With writing or art or photography, it is permanent. Something you can revisit over and over again. Something that can haunt you. You want it to be 'the best version of you'.
BUT THEN reverting back to the Perfection vs Raw thing… In order to be different. Memorable. Special. Perfection will not be enough. Perfection is boring. Perfection isn't real.

I want to show every weird and wonderful (more weird than wonderful) version of myself. Most of those versions I'm not even familiar with. But I'll try.

And to that one person out there that might possibly bother to read what I have to say… Firstly, I apologize :P Secondly, bear with me, I'm finding my feet. And lastly, Thank You :)

In other news… I cut off my hair for cancer.

Where'd all my hair go? :O 

*Maybe if I pull an ugly face no one will notice I have no hair?*

P.S. Sorry about the rambling xox

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